ASK JOKER

joker · 12-14-2008, 09:49 PM

alright all you lost souls, you meandering peasants, and you hordes of misshapen souls. kindness of my heart and all, i've started this thread to help you out of your pathetic misery.

so, ask away. no subject taboo, and yes - i know everything

Odd Job · 12-14-2008, 10:05 PM

should I get a MAC or stay with a PC..what's the big differences, pros & cons! hows that for the 1st question?

Rivari · 12-14-2008, 10:09 PM

Joker, if I continue to cross my eyes will they really stay that way?

96 Wide Glide · 12-14-2008, 11:44 PM

Folks keep telling me to go f*ck myself......... is that even possible

??

Bum · 12-15-2008, 06:10 AM

Why do I have to keep shaving my palms?

greydog · 12-15-2008, 07:49 AM

Is it really cooler in the mountains than it is in the summer???

pepper · 12-15-2008, 08:58 AM

Is it really harder to back up in sandals?

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 11:44 AM

how do you break up two dogs screwing??

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

should I get a MAC or stay with a PC..what's the big differences, pros & cons! hows that for the 1st question?

odd job, your question is very good for a first one. let me say that the biggest difference between MAC and PC are those funny MAC adverts where each machine is personified in a human being. suffice to say that those ads would have you believe you could be hip, cool, and so very un-corporate if you have a MAC. but since i know you, we both realize that could never be - so it really doesn't matter which machine you use.

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rivari

Joker, if I continue to cross my eyes will they really stay that way?

riv, you ignorant slut. keep your hands out of your pants and you'll be fine.

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 96 Wide Glide

Folks keep telling me to go f*ck myself......... is that even possible

??

96, for most folks, that is an impossibility. however, the reason you're being told that is because nobody else would ever want to fck you, so you might be best off trying to find a way if you ever want to git some ...

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bum

Why do I have to keep shaving my palms?

bum, you hairy ass gorilla freak of nature. stop shaving your palms and give in to your destiny to join the circus already.

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greydog

Is it really cooler in the mountains than it is in the summer???

dog, do you think anyone gives a shit? for all that is holy, let's save this space for people with real problems and pertinent issues, shall we?

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper

Is it really harder to back up in sandals?

pepper, i find your question to be intelligent, rational, succinct, well thought-out and articulate. however, if you're backing up at a gay party it doesn't really matter what the hell you have on your feet ...

joker · 12-15-2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

how do you break up two dogs screwing??

is this a live event or do you have a video collection? either way, you're a sick man for watching. do you want to break them up so you can join in?
to answer your question, simply show them a picture of dax, enough to make the horniest of horny go celibate.

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 12:00 PM

Joker..how is it that you are so intelligent yet one would never think that you were just by looking at you?

joker · 12-15-2008, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

Joker..how is it that you are so intelligent yet one would never think that you were just by looking at you?

OJ, that is a question for the ages. truth be told, i'm a dumbshit. but i did stay at a holiday inn express last night ...

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 12:04 PM

Joker, how many quarters can you stick up a YAK's butt??

joker · 12-15-2008, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

Joker, how many quarters can you stick up a YAK's butt??

OJ, you're a curious boy. by 'you', do you mean me? are you challenging me to a yak butt quarter stuff contest?
or was that a typo and you meant to say 'ewe'. in which case you're still on the bestiality thing.
either way you frighten me.

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 12:16 PM

Joker, why does a guy put one pant leg on at a time??

joker · 12-15-2008, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

Joker, why does a guy put one pant leg on at a time??

OJ, if you have an aversion to doing this, i suggest you go back to wearing dresses.
by the way, chuck norris puts his pants on just like the rest of us - except the movie anaconda was filmed entirely in his pants.

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 12:33 PM

Joker,

why do women have menstrual cycles??

joker · 12-15-2008, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

Joker,

why do women have menstrual cycles??

OJ:
both intraocular pressure and aqueous humour turnover rate were determined at intervals over three months in three females in order to investigate whether a correlation existed between these variables and the menstrual cycle. Not only was there a lack of correlation between intraocular pressure or aqueous humour flow rate and menses but intraocular pressure and aqueous humour flow rate were also not related to each other. if pharmacologically administered doses of progesterone or oestrogen influence intraocular pressure, the present data indicate that the effect is probably mediated through effects on the aqueous outflow pathways.

Odd Job · 12-15-2008, 12:53 PM

Joker,

Why does exuberant beer drinking always lead to constant urination??

joker · 12-15-2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odd Job

Joker,

Why does exuberant beer drinking always lead to constant urination??

OJ, its a rental.

Rivari · 12-15-2008, 02:04 PM

Joker,

What is the average weight of a typical American Christmas tree fully decorated?

joker · 12-15-2008, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rivari

Joker,

What is the average weight of a typical American Christmas tree fully decorated?

riv,
in order to fully answer your question, we'll have to define a few terms first.
average: are you referring to the central tendency, and is there a unimodal distribution? or do we need to look at the cumulative distribution function / quantiles?

American: is the tree grown and purchased in the states, or is an international tree using H-1B visa and providing holiday cheer temporarily? if its the latter, it would correctly be called a european-american tree (or some other such variation, depending on the geography of origin), and would most likely still qualify for federal aid.

fully decorated: moh, brevet, dsc, silver star, navy cross?

pepper · 12-15-2008, 03:02 PM

what's the average weight of a turd after an all nite Mexican Food pigout?

joker · 12-15-2008, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper

what's the average weight of a turd after an all nite Mexican Food pigout?

long answer:
if you take into account water displacement (which, by the way, is what the WD in WD-40 stands for - the 40 refers to the 40th try to get the formula right), along with average deviation of the caloric content of beans, and the degrees of freedom (assumed to be n-1), then you would also need to calculate correlation coefficient of the tortilla (dependent on flour or corn) and figure the regression toward the mean, most notably utilizing either the z score or chi square to in a plotted histogram.
further, an asymptotic relationship presumably exists between lettuce and the consumer choice of meat product, and the cohort effect should be taken into account.
lastly, since we are using multivariate statistics, we should also incorporate eigenvalues.

short answer:
13.5 pounds US, and that's a load of shit.

greydog · 12-15-2008, 03:22 PM

If a pigs ass is pork, when he sits on it does it become pressed ham???